Am I missing something? | africa69's Blog

I often wonder why God gave me such a big heart, I mean why give it to me just to surround me with people who don't seem to care. I was supposed to be cooking for thanks giving and inviting my friends but now I don't think I want to anymore because they never invite me anywhere...ever! I always find myself doing nice things for people and helping them anyway I can but no one ever does this for me. sometimes I feel so fucking invisible. My dad doesnt even tell me he loves me. If I tell him over the phone he mumbles it back and if I tell him in a text or email he wont txt it back at all.
Even my boyfriend doesnt do nice things for me. I would love to see how it feels to get a really cool gift wrapped in  beautiful gift wrap with a big shiny bow...I have NEVER gotten this before even as a child....not gifts, no bday parties, no christmas gifts to open or even a tree. ive only unwrapped a gift once in my entire lifr and it was poorly wrapped. i don't understand people, they say they care but actions speak volumes. So because I wonder why do I have such a big heart and no one else i know does. Not saying that they are bead people because they arent..they are very nice people just dont go out of their way to let me know they care and this make me very sad and depressed when i think about it. Am I not worth a card ora birthday gift. I cant remember the last time I got  birthday gift. my dad gave me a walmart gift card last year and before that he gave me a gift bag full of giant size chocolate bars and the same thing the year before that..candy bars and a pair of house shoes. he gives me gifts that he puts no thought whats so ever into, so that shows me how much i'm cared about but I guess his bday gifts are better than nothing because before he came into my life i wasnt getting anything, shit last year i didnt even get a phone call from anyone to tell me happy bday. i hate my bday, i hate  christmas, i hate thanks giving, i hate it ALL!!!!!

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